The Reality of Relationships

As someone who's lived in Russia since 2002, and been in relationships with Russian women since the age of 19 (don't ask, it just happened that way), I believe I'm in a position to dispel a few myths.

The idea that a Russian woman holds the key to your happiness is pretty flawed. She holds the key to a lot of things, including your sanity. She can drive you out of your mind without trying particularly hard. She can wrap you round her finger without you knowing it. She will love you like there's no tomorrow, and expect you to feel the same.

For men who seek romance with Russian ladies because they feel that they can't deal with spoiled Western girls (for whatever reason - I doubt whether I could go back supposing I had to) - Russians are not the cure. A relationship with a Russian is ten times more intense than with, say, a Scottish girl. Ten times more demanding. Ten times more passionate.

Now that may sound great, but think about it; ten times more of everything, day in, day out. It's tiring. It's draining. You'll want to get some time to yourself. But you'll be so used to the constant closeness that you'll soon be pining just as much as she is. God forbid you should be out of her sight for more than a few hours and not call at least once to say you miss her.

Myth #1: Russian women all want to marry foreigners and get out of the country fast. Not true - a far greater number would rather stay in their own country with people who understand them and share their culture and beliefs. Moving abroad is stressful. Leaving behind family and friends to start a new life in a faraway country is generally harder for a woman than for a man. Most Russian women now know of at least one other woman who left the country and was sorry.

Myth #2: Russian women all love foreign men. Nonsense. A lot of them can't stand foreigners. You see, we have a reputation for disrespecting them. The Russian bride phenomenon means many Russians now see Western men as bidders at auction, shopping for a cheap wife. For a minority of Russian women, Africans, Italians and South Americans represent something exotic and interesting in the same way that a tall Spanish woman would stun a barful of rowdy Irishmen into awed silence.

Myth #3: Relationships with Russians are easy. See above.

Myth #4: You can buy a Russian bride on the internet. Wrong. You can send a lot of money to God-knows-who and become another one of a long list of scam victims. The number of Russian women who are a) desperate to get married to a foreigner and b) desperate enough to suffer the humiliation of being 'bought' is very low. If you know Russian women, you'll know that something would have to be very wrong for them to stoop to such depths.

Myth #5: All Russian women are gold-digging scammers. Hell no. Well, not all. Many modern Russian women are independent and proud of it. Those who can't be independent generally hope to fit into the social patterns they were raised in. Soviet family values placed the woman at the heart of the home and family, with the man as the primary breadwinner. Times are changing, and mothers need to work to support a family. If mothers in America and Europe find it a challenge, then in Russia it's like climbing a sanddune with a storm blowing in your face.